The fence of happiness is the only thing that keeps sadness away

I hear something knocking back  at my weak life door.And I know that ,that  something is here to claim me again.Bad mood is standing at the threshold of my life, against me he wants back in, trouble is trying to get to me again.I have to stop this . I have to stand Still.so before it smashes the weak barrier I have to fortify my life.I have to fight back this black mood closing in.So I will speak my fears out loud so I could find courage to face them…..
the problem lies in me,Not only am I a typical emotional cancer but also the trouble chasing me is way beyond any human can take. Is it my mistake that I was born . Is it my mistake that since my birth the chain of events went that way . If I could undo my  birth I would gladly do but it is undoable so. That is not an option.I have to deal with the problems created against  my will , problems that I didn’t have a hand in .
I cant solve them The only thing I try doing and god help me do is to live with them.I have to find peace with my pain , I have to find smiles between tears and safety within fears.
I go on  with my life being who I want to be , I do what I dare to dream to do and because I have no trouble at achieving what I want I hunt my wishes down and achieve them one by one.
To continue like that I just have to Be who I really am . I can’t lose faith in myself .I can’t stop smiling .I can’t stop being who I am .I cant stop enjoying Seconds of joy to the limit because I know that hours of tears will hunt me down and kill me if I am not positively  charged enough to deal with them.
I love being who I am I can’t be anyone else or I will crack and if I crack maybe I cannot stand up again>
bottom line is: I have to feel happy and feel free. I have to smile . I have to enjoy every second of life . I will do what I want . I will be happy at whatever cost.

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